Self-Love, Food, Astrology, and Me

Astrology taught me how to love myself, and how to take care of myself.

I don’t think astrology is needed to know how to do these things, but the guidance it provided me was profound.

I will paint a picture for you.

The dominant energies within me are Earth, and Air, followed by Water. I have my Sun, Mercury, Mars, and Chiron all in the sign of Taurus, with a Gemini moon and north node in my tenth house and at my mid-heaven – this is the very top of your chart, and how you often appear to the world. My Sun is conjunct Mercury, as well as Chiron, (this means they are right next to each other), so I have a strong Mercurial flavor to my Taurus sun(Mercury is the planetary ruler of Gemini), and Chiron also influences my Taurean energy.

I have Venus in Cancer, which is the only non-air or earth placement within my personal planets, but it is a strong place for me to have a water sign because Venus is the ruling planet of Taurus. So the way my Taurus energy is expressed is very water like: intuitive, fluid, empathetic, nurturing.

Many of you know my background in nutrition and cleansing. I used to run juice fasting groups, cleanse and detox classes. I really loved all of the cleansing stuff (this comes pretty naturally to Virgo rising folks, like yours truly), and I became a bit obsessed with all of it for a while.

I had a pretty rigorous regimen as far as fasting went. I did a lot of fasting, even doing a rather extreme diet of green juice fasting all day until dinner almost every day for about two or three years before I became pregnant.

Once I became pregnant, things changed. After my daughter was born I thought things would go back to how they were, but they didn’t. Nursing and taking care of a baby 24/7 made it even harder to really nourish myself in the way I had grown accustomed to during my cleansing days.

As most women who have had children can probably tell you, it becomes damn near impossible to not listen to your body when you’re pregnant. You’re kind of on hyper alert because your body is growing and protecting something so innocent, pure, and fragile. This new love is 100% reliant on your protection and is 100% affected by all of your choices. You can’t stomach certain things, and often crave the things that your body most needs to nourish the baby and your self. You’re literally building a life as you breathe and move about your day, and while it’s a totally normal and common experience, it’s also miraculous and major. We take for granted how precious and taxing a process it can be. Especially when you’re not willing to be fluid and open to listening to what your body needs.

As you can imagine, it can feel kind of weird to start eating during the day when you’ve grown accustomed to the emptiness and lightness that comes from fasting on the regular. It was a big transition, and I resisted it, very stubbornly, for a long time. Even when I was nursing around the clock. Even when I was exhausted from waking up several times a night to calm my daughter down, to feed her, to rock her to sleep.

Despite all of my attempts at restricting and the long daily walks I took with my daughter, I felt that I was holding onto weight and so I would try even harder to limit my intake. I was living in extremes. And while there are aspects in my chart that would point to this tendency to live in extremes and to restrict, especially with food or with my body, simply looking at the earth/air dominance in my chart, and even more so, understanding the signs that my personal planets are in, would have really illustrated to me why what I was doing was so unbalanced for me on all levels: psychologically, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Earth signs are very much about the physical world. It’s important for earthy folk to feel grounded and nourished. Taurus, especially, needs to have her senses pleased, sensory fulfillment is a must. While an occasional fast or cleanse may (or may not) be helpful for most of us, daily rigorous fasting is not really ideal for most people, and especially not for Taurus.

Then let’s move towards my ruling planet, Venus, in the sign of Cancer. Cancer is all about nourishment and comfort, giving and receiving. It’s about digestion (one way that we receive and give without any real effort or thought), and Cancer’s are known for loving comfort foods.

Basically, my birth chart shows me that sensory pleasure, and comfort are critical to my sense of safety, wellness, and growth. Feeling properly nourished and fed is central to me being able to express my truth. While this is true for most of us, is especially true to me. It’s a life theme.

The Gemini emphasis in my chart is tricky, especially to a slower, more trusting sign like Taurus. At times it may feel like I have two people running the show (or three, if you want to think of the Gemini side as being a set of twins, as Gemini is represented in Astrology). Gemini is inspired and energized by ideas, and runs on intellect. Of course we all need food, but Gemini need only their brain to have satisfaction in life, well, maybe their mouth too (Gemini loves to talk)!

The moon sign and north node are SO important in astrology, however, the moon sign shouldn’t be running the show, that’s the Sun sign. We want to follow the arc of the Sun sign as this is our heroic journey, this is how we radiate and express our wholeness; the moon sign needs to be acknowledged and cared for as it is our instinctual self, and it has needs that need to be fulfilled in order to feel emotionally well. For me, this becomes a little tricky as the north node is our karmic path, or our destiny. Our north node shows us what we came to learn about in this lifetime, and I have that in the sign of Gemini! So while I have this grounded, sensual, practical, common sense Taurus energy so strong within me, I also have changeable, intellectual, talkative, unreliable Gemini energy that is a huge part of my karma, and growth.

So, I don’t always know who I’m going to be when I wake up in the morning. I don’t always know what’s going to be best for me to consume each day until I’m IN the flow of that day. I don’t always know if exercise should be rigorous or restorative – until I’m in the flow of that day. Some days fasting is magic for me, and some days (most days), it feels restrictive and depressing.

For air signs such as Gemini, fasting can be easy. It’s very easy for people who have a strong emphasis on fire, air, or water to completely forget about food or to take care of their body. This often leads to some sort of break down or burn out, and really this is what I eventually experienced myself. The reason why I’m sharing this is because it was so silly of me, because I KNEW, really,  I KNEW that what I was doing wasn’t helpful. I actually knew it was destructive, but I became so mental about it (hello, Gemini side, hello Virgo rising), that I kept chastising myself for not being able to stick to my old diet and lifestyle. I thought I was weak and undisciplined.

By understanding my astrology, and then taking it a step further and embracing it, I was able to see what was going on. It was so helpful to have this map of my energy, to see why I had all of the silly symptoms and heart aches that I couldn’t seem to move beyond.

So I embraced my needs, I embraced my need for food, for self care, for some flexibility within my (still very disciplined) diet and lifestyle. At first I took it slowly, as I think we should always take major changes in our lives (especially when you have a lot of Taurus going on!), and then I really let go of all rules, and I just did my thing. I ate what I wanted to eat, when I wanted to eat. That may sound simple, but it was actually very, very hard.

But do you know what it did? It healed me.

It basically activated all of the Taurus energy that I have in my ninth house, which rules our higher mind and intuitive wisdom. By letting go of all of the structure and rules, I was able to finally listen to myself. I realized that I didn’t need so many rules and discipline when I could simply consult with my higher self to know if something was in my best interest.

I realized that I have the ability – I have the POWER to decide that whenever I consume anything, it can feel like I’m creating a beautiful relationship with whatever it is I’m consuming. That’s not to say I ONLY eat perfectly healthy things, or that I never eat junk, or that I never eat too much – it just means that I brought consciousness to my consumption. Yes, you can juice fast, and eat kale salads, and still be incredibly unconscious about yourself, and even your diet.

So why am I sharing this? I’m sharing this because I want to show you that astrology can be incredibly practical and helpful in the simplest, most basic way. In this way, it helped me get past an orthorexic type of disordered eating, and in the process, I was able to see myself, and love myself. I was able to see that disowning and rejecting parts of myself rather than embracing how difficult, complicated, and confusing my energy felt at the time is what was leading to the extreme, disordered behaviors that were keeping me super stuck in my life.

By the way, my energy no longer feels difficult, complicated, or confusing. It feels great.

My story will not be your story. Maybe your story has to do with letting go of a junk food addiction, or how to find real love, or how to create a career for yourself. Maybe it has to do with learning how to let go, or how to sleep better. Maybe it has to do with ditching toxic relationships.

No matter what you’re looking for in your life, your birth chart can bring you SO much clarity.

This is why I created the Self-Love + Astrology digital course. I wanted an accompaniment to any reading that would help people understand their birth charts.

Within this course, I am by your side. You can book a 1:1 reading with me at a discount, and additionally, you have unlimited email access to me throughout the four weeks the course is running. I’m thrilled to guide you, to explain things to you about your chart that you don’t understand, to explore current transits and see how they’re affecting you, and much, much more.

The course will start on the full moon in Cancer, on January 1st. The content can be done at your own pace, and will always be available for you!

Enrollment for the course opens this Thursday, December 14, and the early bird price will be available through December 19!

I’d LOVE to have you in the course, and to guide you and show you how you can heal yourself simply by knowing yourself fully and loving yourself without reservation.

With Love,
Marlena

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *